Now I realize that is okay. I don’t have to pretend nothing happened. I don’t have to be perky and perfect all of the time. But conversely and far more importantly, I don’t have to completely give in to despair. I’ve decided that rather than spending all of my time continuously turning the unchangeable past and the unplanned future over in my head, I’m going to busy myself with the gift of the present.
I have this handsome, supportive, and hilarious husband who is inexplicably crazy about me, and we’ve been graced with two of the most beautiful, intelligent, and amusing little girls I’ve ever met (completely unbiased). I have a full life right here and now with our lovely little family of four. Not having a larger family, doesn’t lessen the amount of love and joy in our lives! We’re already planning to go on a lot more adventures, especially with summer coming. I’m going to embrace how relatively easily we can pick up and find some fun! Priority one on the girls’ vacation list is the beach. They are on a mission to discover a mermaid, and who am I to deny them the hunt. If you have a favorite sandy spot, please let me know! I’m researching places near and far and would love to have some first hand accounts of family favorites!
I’ve certainly learned that I can’t control a lot of things when it comes to my body, but now I’m going to put aside what doesn’t work and focus on improving what does. My 35th birthday is on the horizon, and I want to start my best year yet in fighting form. That means this Easter Monday marks Day One of an all new attempt at Whole 30! I’m also committing myself to at least 4 days a week at the gym. My cousin is tempting me with upcoming 5ks, so I may just start pounding the pavement again before it is all over. And what’s a healthy body without a healthy mind? So additionally, I’m scheduling hour a day for language study: half an hour to a foreign language and half an hour to signing. I enjoy the online classes for now, but I’m checking into courses at the community college for fall!
Finally, I’m planning to seek out a spiritual advisor. I’ve had a couple of people that I’ve considered as such, but they’re no longer nearby. I’ve never purposefully sought someone out for such a thing, so I suppose I’ll start by talking with my priest, my favorite confessor, and friends that have a regular director. Sometimes it’s a little hard being a convert and being rather shy and wary of “being a bother,” but it’s time to get over that for a greater good. Do you have a spiritual advisor? How did you meet them? How did you know that they were a good fit for you? Please educate the poor little convert!
I’m coming to terms with the fact that there is nothing wrong with pain or sadness or grief, but I can’t completely surrender my life to it. There is too much good to be had, too much good left for me to do, so I choose to begin now and take it one day at a time.