With great excitement, I pulled open my laptop to make use of our restored internet, and it immediately hung… with every single application that I attempted to use or to close. Bah! I checked things as best I could with it limping along the way it was, but finally gave up and put it in the hands of my much more tech capable husband. He attempted to back it all up to an external hard drive before getting to work. Not once, nor twice, but three times the back up failed and resulted in a most ominous grey screen of death. Eventually, the techno-fates smiled and it backed up, rebooted, and seems to at least putting in a valiant effort to work properly.
I was always one of those kids who couldn't stand. Could. Not. STAND to be told no. If I was told I couldn't, I wanted to. If I was told under no uncertain terms not to do something, figuring out how to make it happen consumed my every waking thought. What I'm trying to say here (other than my mother will have a very short stay in purgatory-- you're welcome, Mom!) is that when our internet connection decided to flicker from spotty to near black out and then my blasted laptop when from questionable to consumptive, all I wanted to do was blog. And blog. AND BLOG.
I always have an idea or two floating around in my head (along with enough random and obscure facts to dominating Trivial Pursuit or winning free pints at a pub quiz). I read so many books for which I keep thinking I'll write reviews (but then another 5 or 6 books seem to be singing their siren song into my ears); or I want to write a whole series on organic foods and clean eating (but get distracted creating new dishes in the kitchen); or I wonder if I might parlay my education as a certified personal trainer and fitness junky into some posts (but then I realized that I have a few brief months before all my continuing education credits are due to keep my certification current, and need to put my nose in the book to prep for the tests). Ach! Maybe this is all just a big “Boo-hoo-hoo, I'm getting no writing done, because I'm busy LIVING and DOING all the things I love and keep thinking I'll write about. Woe is me!”
But again, there is just really something about being told no that not only gets my goat, but straight up bbq's itself some cabrito. For a while I did nothing but shove books aside, slack on new recipe creation, procrastinate my CPT studies, and bemoan my lack of internet connection. There wasn't even the option to slip away for some quiet time at a wifi hotspot, because my poor hubs is working 12 hour days and coming home to work some more. So, instead, I'm just started typing up a storm on NeoOffice, which I forgot that I even had on this laptop (because I usually write everything via Google docs or directly to the blog publisher both of which shockingly require a direct line to the interwebs), and then remembered that I have Scrivener (which I’ve woefully neglected). I was just filling byte upon byte with frustrated stream of consciousness. It wasn’t pretty, but at least I was writing! Then the dang laptop tried to give up the ghost, and I realized how terribly spoiled I’d become. While my typing fingers can neeeearly keep up with my runaway brain, my penmanship most definitely can not, so attempting to capture it all in what used to be my favorite manner (ink and paper), simply ended in frustration.
I’m delighted to have internet connection and laptop both functioning at the same time (for now), but I can’t decide if this was all some odd way of reordering my priorities. Once I finished pouting and harrumphing, I found myself living life more fully and letting go of the guilt of not turning every experience into a blog posting. It’s not that I was doing that to begin with, not even close, but I was certainly chastising myself thoroughly for NOT parlaying every interesting moment into a post. It’s been kind of nice to just live things without the pressure of translation for transmission. Something I plan to spend time considering further. Or shove right on out of mind and clog up my blog feed with half-baked posts. Either way something interesting should result,